purpose ... :/

why does everyones purpose in life have to come after they achieve a piece a paper costing hundreds of thousands of dollars in a frame on a wall... after they have sat so many hours and been taught things their supposed to believe , understand, follow... is that wrong? nope for many it works out and yet for many very close to myself they do all that their supposed too and that very expensive paper continues to sit in a frame on a wall in their house while they work a job ... that is just a job, a paycheck, a 9-5 while they let adventure slip away. I was told my whole life to find a career that i love so so much and am passionate about- but can i have both 1. a stable income 2. and real passion for my trade .. i have no idea. back story- i suck at school honestly and truly i'd much rather learn biology english anything else in the field actually doing it not being tested on things i was too distracted to study the night before and having to read stories i could care less about and will forget. where are you learning passion in those?? where are you learning about being adventurous? i have always loved the IDEA of school and loved to pretend i was an A student when i was little... i wore glasses so people believed it easily but truth it is ... it was a constant battle with myself my parents and teachers give me a problem i will solve it give me a cheer routine i will make it better in any way i can. have me study for a test- no happening so easily. do people around me know how to handle this? not so much ... is it their fault? i don't want to say it is... people are so so different why do only the ones who have a paper framed on a wall get looked at i bet they can't tell you detailed directions to a place that they've only been to once (i can) i bet they can't make an amazing meal and make you feel like family (my mom can) some say the non-paper framed people just haven't worked as hard... i call bluff i have two parents who have worked their little bootys off everyday 
do i think it is fun to play college? sure do i wish i was like my friends going away and doing their thing? most days yes ... 
but then i am where i am right now laying in my bed @ 2 am listening to music and just finishing up a convo with my best friend who had a real issue they needed to talk through and i was there ... i was available i helped i listened i loved i comforted ... these moments are why i don't regret i wanna be apart of something amazing some adventure like no other .... with or without a paper framed on my wall 

Do as i say not as what has been done haha

my little broskie is 15 (ahhh) he's a freshman in high school... a sports stud and and all around boy so what does that mean... he is into girls and my cheerleaders are into him (yikes) when we where younger we def. did not get along (sorry mama) i hated him he hated me and it sort of in a weird way worked ... people always told me it was just a phase and we soon would be friends and i politely smiled and said what i really thought in my head. but unfortunately they where right haha just joking ... fortunately they where right. don't get me wrong he still drives me nuts daily but now instead of being disgusted by his presence i enjoy hanging out with him. like i said earlier he is getting into girls and their def. getting into him... but im on a mission... he will not be a punk that i myself have had multiple experiences with or i might kill em (joking) i also dont want him to be run over by girls because i know we can be brutal but i just don't see the point in him becoming the kinda guy girls love to hate and hate to love ... he can be confident yet humble... studly yet coy... manly yet sensitive. just tonight i was getting all my stuff from my ex and putting it in a box/ reading old letters, looking at old pictures. he didn't say anything just saw i was bumming and came and say next to me ... and then started playing a game on my itouch... now im 99% sure he was just there for the game but the act brought a happy tear to my eye- REFRESHING... i like that we can finally be like this  i can give advice and still play like a teenager if i feel like it and not be judged haha ... 5 years ago if you asked me if i would be getting ready to snuggle into bed and watch a movie with my little brother i probably would have laughed at you ... thank god times have changed :)

 

advice to whoever reads this: love your blood... and take deep breaths when you have a younger sibling remember you were where they are once too <3

The game... bleh!!!

alright being single now... i forgot the rules of the stupid game... im not saying im playing it or trying too but the thought still occurred to me... 
why do we have to play it? the passive aggressive, coy, hard to get annoyance that starts any relationship :/ my last relationship didn't have any of that THANK GOD! he was in basic for the air force and well there really wasn't time to be stupid and mess around we just where and it worked out for a long while... but thats over now, and im so afraid imma have to be thrown into this world that i so hate haha... that sounds so dramatic haha but i guess i don't like it because i suck at playing it?? ... when i know i want something i go and get it (or try my hardest) ...so if i want you... then i want you!!! haha if my decision is made its MADE... i guess that throws of todays way off thinking though oops! haha i hate having to seem like im not interested if i am or not talk for a couple days to build up anticipation for when we finally do get to talk or acting like  you haven't been on my mind 24/7 since apparently i haven't been on yours... or have i and your pretending as well... seriously? how is this a good foundation to start a relationship? lol i LOVE adventure and this to me is adventure that part that isn't is the constant waiting and wondering ... in my life if im curious about something (anything) i ask, hunt, search, and ultimately find out ... but this little sticky situations puts me back in my seat and leaves me helplessly curious... my best friend and hungarian sister use to say how fun and freeing would it be if we went up to some one and said "your cute im cute... lets date" ok i know thats really crazy ... but the concept still stands... why not just go for it... where do you ever get if you hold back... maybe we won't work out ... but at least we tried and experienced and didn't waste time not talking or hanging out because were making the desire for one another stronger? ... lame excuse if you ask me haha 
but thats just my opinion haha :/ 
p.s im not speaking about anyone specific so no worries haha















i thought this picture is so cute... its a penguin couple haha the zoo caption said its how they pick their mate <3 lol

"Once" by Rascal Flatts with lyrics

Music is the window to the .... soul?!?!

i kinda really really love music... ALL types.. truly! i always have if you really know me then you know me as always singing some song to myself or to anyone who listens. i think listening to different types of genres stretches you as a person and makes you more well rounded haha... cheesy? anyways... i relate moments in my life big or small to songs (also smells..weird) when i hear a song it triggers my memory bank and i am immediately back to what i was doing, experiencing at that moment... also another weird fact- all the boys i've ever liked or dated have a song related to them... for no particular reason and they aren't mean songs haha but its true if you ask me i can tell you... cuz their all so random... ok back on topic- i think knowing the kinda music a person likes truly is knowing them... so since im a crazy roller-coaster it makes sense how i like EVERYTHING.... 
if you know me recently you know i just went through a break-up :/ (it happens) but that fact sparked the idea for this post... theres a song by rascal flatts- once (thank you alesi) that literally sings out my current situation, thoughts, feelings, emotions... do i get depressed when i hear it NOPE... its a calming feeling listening in song what your feeling inside... i LOVE it!!! 
i love rap music because 1.its fun 2. i love to workout to it and 3. if their a good rapper then they use beautiful beats and speak more to me then the actual words... the way the notes hit the soul is the best feeling in the world... alright i sound way artsy fartsy haha but truly .... i can't drive with no music on and im not ashamed to admit i perform concerts in my car regularly... music is a mood changer (good or bad) a silence filler a workout partner and  a way to meet people on a deeper level to me... and i love it oh so much 
here is the current song that im in love with and if you want me to perform it too you hitch a ride with me haha
(the video will be on the next blog post above :) )

we are the 2 best friends that anyone could have...

im currently adventuring with my bestfriend... object of your adventure... find free internet to do homework... but 1st we had to fill our tummies (you can't focus when your hungry) so we went to BJ's and had yummy-ness... then we went on a trek but we kept failing.. and somehow offending? people around us... we can't help it that were genuinely happy people that like to laugh so both places we went in search of left us free internet-less and old grumpy people thinking we were so RUDE for having a good time...

i love the word best friend... and i have alot... i know people don't believe that its possible to truly have multiple best friends but i do... TRULY ... this one in particular is more ... shes adopted into my crazy life... and shes stuck Aunty toto and i are past the fake-ness of surface friendships and into the nitty gritty of loving each other and calling each other out on our $#*! ...  the kinda friend where you never pay back money cuz it all evens out in the end... the kind where no words need to be spoken and you know what the other is thinking... maybe it is impossible for other people to have these kinda friendships in multiples but i do and i love it... 

whos way is the right way? i vote... um god?

i went to a new church on sunday.. and i really had no idea of what to expect... i've been raised in the church my WHOLE life and lived as a pastors kid (oh the joy haha) sitting in the service i could truly feel the presence of god... in a real and non cheesy way! (isn't that the whole point) i think of myself as a realist who thinks black and white on most things. and my faith is def. one of those things... i have so many questions swarming around my head... i know some denominations believe that the "gifts of the spirit" are still alive and used today and other don't... who's right? why is it that there are so many denominations when we should all be worshiping the same god? i feel like in this day and age people get caught up in "titles" and "rules" and "protocol" when shouldn't it be about your individual relationship with your creator?? i hate being in a service and have the feeling like im being judged or watched for the way i worship... singing worship has always been the way i feel the closest to god the music and the lyrics hit me and stick in my crazy brain better then any sermon.... for some people its other aspects of the service... why is that wrong? everyone wants to be right and have the best church or youth outreach or the best whatever... where in the bible it says thats how you get to heaven ... it shouldn't be a competition it should again be a relation... how are you as a person reaching the people around you and beyond to share the love you feel? i grew up in the church i went to a christian school from jr .high and on and i never really was taught that part of  "religion" i did get really good at finding any book in the bible in under 15 sec. don't get me wrong im not trying to bash what i was brought up in, in any way it helped mold me into who i am today ... but i guess my real question is ... how do the people of 2010 truly LIVE JESUS? it shouldn't be about who is the best at what... or know the most about something ... it should be about idk JESUS? just a thought ... i sound like im standing on a soap box haha ... but i guess i really am frustrated about this issue i know who i love and serve and im tired of being told that because i don't go to this kinda church or i don't do this kinda ministry then im not REALLY a believer the church that i go to with my family has a motto and it is everywhere.. LIVE JESUS... and at first i thought of it kinda um cheesy? (sorry matt haha) but im starting to realize the honest in your face simple meaning behind it... ok im done :)


p.s my kitten leila has been attacking my hands the whole time i type this... she apparently wants some attention 

Rainy days... and nephews

today was a day i got to watch my littlest nephew for a little and then take him to preschool... 
i just love my boys, i love to sit back and watch them interact with each other and watch their personalities show. Gavy i watched from the time he was born for almost 6 months everyday.. he was my son and i loved it (except for being told all the time how bad people felt bad for me for being a teen mom :/) the ocean cooley and gavito are sooo different yet act exactly the same at certain moments. watching their imaginations flourish  is the best free entertainment. this morning the munchkin was very adamant on picking out the best outfit and the best beanie ... watching him strut himself to class like a big boy made me so excited for the time i get to experience that with my own child (trust me not ANY time soon) ... thank god for nephews truly their the 2 boys that will NEVER break my heart or make me sad... i hope one day they understand how much i love and cherish them <3

outfit of choice: black turtle island shirt jeans black hightop vans, red quicksilver zip-up and his teal and brown stripped DC beanie :)

Live.. Love... Learn

the last year... its been an adventure!!! and never knew really quite what i was doing except i knew what i felt and i went with it... 
i LOVED i LIVED and i most importantly LEARNED... i hate when people say they regret things... i don't think that should be a reaction to life's circumstances- thats just unproductive!!! :p but truly even the worst of situations a person is faced with there is always the opportunity to learn the smallest lesson and appreciate it! do i maybe wish i made some different decisions- perhaps but doesn't everyone??.. especially me because rarely do i give a thought more then 2 seconds of my time before making it happen (keeps my life interesting :) ) but on a serious note: do i miss ... everyday do i still love.. of course (it was real) do i still tear up... hello Im a girl! do i sometimes wanna hit rewind and pretend nothing changed.. who wouldn't .... but!!! thats not realistic i have to accept, respect, and live! who knows where i'll be in sometime ... honestly who knows where i'll be tomorrow my life changes constantly and at 20 almost 21 (1 month!!! ) Im learning to go with it and continue to stay true to myself so that no one can speak a negative word against me that is legit <3


every experience should be: enjoyed reflected remembered documented and played out to the fullest!!!  if you hold back that is where regret would come into play and like i said that is just not productive! 

<3 

HOMECOMING (24 hrs of stress)

homecoming pep rally is always a fun stressful event... when i cheered and now even more so now that i coach... but i love it and in the end its always lovely.. my girls def. had the odds against them going into this performance in particular but like always they pulled it out and where amazing if you went to the school you would think it was just cheerleaders attended because this year we have 4 teams from babies up to high school and they are adorable 

being a coach gives you a whole new perspective on life... i think i could compare it to when parents say to their children .. they'll understand when their parents .... well it has come full circle and i understand... im privileged to coach under my coach from high school... were able to converse about the antics i pulled as a cheerleader under her and my new outlook and understanding ... no matter what i've been faced with doing this it always ends up rewarding ... its a passion not a job and i love it <3

hola..

I kinda have been wanting to make one of these for a long time... but just never have so i decided today would be the day..
i guess what im looking for to happen with this blog is to share and explore with my own thoughts and anyone else's ... if the name of my blog threw you off.. they are simply the 2 things i don't live with out 1. vente green ice tea (unsweetened) from starbucks 2. insulin- if i don't wanna get sick and die i need it haha
im not sure what will be talked about since my brain runs as fast as an olympic sprinter but at least you know its all real and not fake haha ... so enjoy?
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